Unwanted Visitor

After a great workout at the gym, I get back to the house, take a long, hot shower and have a little dinner. The greatest way to wind down after a treacherous Monday.

Finally, time to hit the sheets, I put my sleep timer on my TV and curl up on the couch. My bed's still got clothes all over it. And they're not about to get put up tonight. Dozing, I finally turn my back to the TV to reach that place called heaven.

Dreaming, I'm walking through a meadow with the tall wildgrass grazing against my naked arms. I welcomed the warm sun and the cool breeze from the east. I stopped for a second to brush some seedlings off my arm when I was quickly averted to consciousness. I looked down at my arm to see a two-inch waterbug looking at me in the face, perched atop my elbow.

I jolted out of my fetal position, threw my covers in one direction and reached for the nearest light switch. I can't BELIEVE this bug, BLEH!!!!, walked across my naked arm! And the NERVE to wake me up!

I shook out my blanket to see if the freeloader had found its way amidst the soft fabric. No avail. I quickly realized if I do shake this little f*cker out, I am going to want to stomp on it. Repeatedly. I put on my sh*t-kicker Timberland boots and began stomping around my nesting place.

First the blanket, then my pillows-- no such luck. Then I began to rip the couch cushions off, checking all six sides for the assailant's little body. I look at the bottom of the couch, but the way its made there are no cracks between the springs and the frame. Thank God. I get down on all fours to see if I see the little bugger looking back at me, but seeing how it was dark, I grunt with frustration and almost threw my coffee table across the room as I reached for the back of the couch. I paused for a moment and slid the couch out and BADA-BING! The little bugger saw me and scurried back under the couch. Still ramped, I took the couch and tipped it over, bottom-out to try and unveil the six-legged creature. But I didn't see it.

Where'd he go? Did he weasel his little body under my couch somewhere? I began to kick the bottom of the couch, hoping the little violator would lose its footing and come sprawling out amongst the ruckus. But I saw nothing. I began kicking again, now even more agitated but still no avail. Hair now all over the place and out of breath I assessed the damage to my living room. Couch cushions thrown, coffee table in the dining room. Piles of pillows and blankets everywhere, lamp shade leaning and my couch teetering on a prostrate position. Look at the clock. 3:11 AM.

I began to calm down and realize that I needed to go back to sleep, for christ sake. As I began to reassemble my living room, I kept a vicious eye open for the unwanted visitor. Carefully still shaking out things as I put them back together, you know, just in case I didn't get him the first (or second) time. I finally drift back off to sleep close to 4 AM, a frown smeared across my face. And blanket pulled to the top of my head. I kept on one boot just in case the little bugger decided to strike. Again.