Don't Touch My Bra Fat.

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

Each one of us knows what its like to tug, pull, rotate an tuck some orb of fat into a bra. Some of us are none the wiser that our backs look like a smashed can of biscuits, while others, are so aware that they cut eyes at the women who's bra straps look more like pulled shoestrings. I can't lie. I've mastered the art of cutting my eyes and sucking my teeth in one smooth move.

Being an experienced toter of the bra fat, I know what its like to have someone pat me on the back and they touch that soft, tender spot right in the center of your back or that space right under your shoulder blades. You can just imagine that if there was a camera affixed to your back recording the back-patting assault, if you played it in slow motion it would jiggle, bounce and flabber for at least six minutes. You're instantly pissed at who ever touched the alleged "No Zone," straighten your spine and clear your throat.

Now lets be clear, touching that area isn't just limited to a pat on the back. It comes with a one armed hug, cuddling, even a grappling fest during a first kiss. And I guarantee you. It kills the mood every. Single. Time. Its almost in tuned with poking a girl in the belly, from the side. Now, fellas, I wouldn't recommend you do that, either seriously nor playfully. Its a very expedient way to get knocked the hell out.