Double-Click

Sometimes when you get older in not necessarily age but more so maturity, its really weird to look back on something that just happened a few weeks or a few months back. Its kind of strange that we are so zealous in living in NOW that we oftentimes completely disregard the possibility of the future.

Forgive my vagueness, please, and consider this: the mind is a machine. A computer, to be more specific. See, if you look at your desktop on your PC or MAC, doesn't matter, there are files and directories that are the gateways to numerous other files and directories. Ever consider, that when you look up from your book and across the room you see a set of eyes and a smile you can't resist, or when you extend your hand in a fellow greeting, and right when your palms touch in magnetic desire that person creates a folder in your mind? Its almost as if by the time you complete the sentence "Nice to meet you," and looking at an object of desire through dilated pupils, your mind makes a directory of this person in your head that stores information, news, events, happenings and general misc. items about them.

So, say, you develop a genuine crush on this person. The file is marked red-hot and it gets more clicks than myspace in your mind. You think about them, constantly reviewing their information on why they are just so fucking wonderful. You scan documents of previous conversations, browse picture files of memories of what they were wearing and how great their smile was.

But what happens when you have to delete the file? When they've pissed you off for the last time, or finally reveal to you that they don't feel the same way you do? What then? As you hang up, storm off, slam the door or drive off, you clutch your fingers to white knuckles and try desperately to drag their file over to the trash can. "Are you sure you want to delete file?" flashes across your mind and depending on how angry you are determines how long you hesitate to click "HELL YEAH". You click and you sit in angst as you watch the files slowly melt away to the trash, trying to repeatedly convince yourself that you did the right thing.

The file is never deleted.

Its stored on your hard drive as long as your hard drive remains in tact. Even though its deleted from your immediate desktop, it still looms around in your system, creeping up on you in the recent documents menu and default settings. You try to dig and search to find the originals to erase them but you'll never find them. Your search gets prioritized with other hot jobs, of course, and more often than not, its forgotten, but not lost.

And sometimes a familiar smell, a random phone call or an over-heard conversation can double-click on the file and open it again. Thing is, its your decision whether you browse through it or not.